


Making Amends

by libgalww (daytonamom)



Category: Third Watch
Genre: Episode Related, Gen, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-09
Updated: 2015-05-09
Packaged: 2018-03-29 16:59:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3903973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daytonamom/pseuds/libgalww
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bosco makes a horrible mistake</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to FanFiction.net February 2002

 

Prologue

 

I almost killed Faith today.

My hands are shaking. Why can't I stop them?

I didn't mean to shoot her.

How much of this shit have I drank? If I can still remember the blood and her face then it's not enough.

When I got up this morning there were no warning signs that today was going to end the one thing that I have that is good in my life.

I need more whiskey. I can't think about this anymore

 

God, please make them stop.

 

* * *

 

Bosco drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. Nothing was happening, not a damn thing. Faith had finished the paperwork and they were sitting on the corner under a street lamp near a gas station. Faith stopped reading the report in front of her, glanced at his fingers, and sighed

"Bosco, stop, you’re driving me bananas doing that."

"Faith, I'm bored."

Bosco saw her roll her eyes and then close them. She was trying to stay calm. He loved bugging the hell out of her like this. Nothing else was going on tonight so he had to have fun somehow.

"Bosco, stop whining. Jeez you're worse than Charlie. What do you want me to do about it? Do you want me to go out and make some idiot shoot somebody just so you have something to do?"

Bosco tried to force the grin off his face.

"Could you?" he asked, giving her his best innocent look. She wasn't falling for it.

"Get out. Get out of here leave me alone." She reached over and pushed him into the door.

Bosco decided that maybe this time he should stop while he was ahead. After all, he was going to have to ride with her the rest of the shift. He reached over, pulled on the door handle, and stepped out of the car. He glanced over at the gas station and realized it was getting cold.

The sun would be down in a couple of hours so it was just going to get worse. Coffee, that's what he needed; that would wake him up. He turned back and looked at Faith through the windshield. She was reading again but she was also shaking her head and mumbling.

He tapped on the windshield. She looked up at him. He grinned and motioned toward the gas station.

"Coffee?"

She stared at him for a second, and then looked at the gas station. She nodded yes, waved her hand in the general direction of the station, then turned back to the report. Bosco shoved his hands in the pockets of his jacket and started across the lot to the station.

The attendant inside was too cheerful. He waved at Bosco when he stepped inside the small store. Bosco rolled his eyes at the guy, who looked away and then turned back to the game show he was watching on TV. Bosco went to the coffee machine, took two cups from the stack, and poured the coffee. He was dumping sugar into Faith's cup when his radio crackled and came to life.

"Five-five Charlie is requesting assistance for pursuit of suspects in an armed robbery at 243 Ninth Avenue." The radio beeped then went silent.

Bosco reached for the button on his radio at his shoulder. He found the button and pressed it, finally something to do. There was the double bonus of telling everyone in the locker room later that night that the Great Officer Sullivan had needed his help.

"Five-five David here, we are on our way to assist Five-five Charlie." Bosco released the button  then turned to leave the store. He heard the clerk shout something about your coffee as he swung  the door open and jogged across the lot to the car. Faith was inside giving him a look.

"What?" Bosco grinned at her as he started the car and rammed it into gear.

Faith just shook her head and grabbed onto the dash as he flipped the siren on and sped out of the lot.

 

* * *

 

 

Bosco pulled the car up beside Sully and Davis's car. Sully was standing near a door of a three-story warehouse. When Bosco stepped out of his car, he could see a dirty, mean-looking face staring back at him from inside Sully's car. The face looked familiar.

"What ya got?" he asked Sully, pointing at the face.

"Three guys just hit Thelma's Liquor; they killed the clerk and grabbed what they could from the register before we got there. Phil there was the slowest of the bunch. Davis caught  him before he could follow the rest of them around the corner. He told us that he was supposed to meet his buddies here."

"You trust him?" Faith asked.

"He's a helpful sort of guy if you ask him nicely," Sully smirked then shrugged. "But, who knows? Davis is around back waiting for word. There's not much light in there so I called for more bodies to help with the search."

Faith was staring in at the man in the back of the car. She pursed her lips and then turned to Bosco. "Boz, isn't that the guy that we lost last week down at Evergreen Liquor? Didn't the clerk say that there had been two other guys with him?"

Bosco looked at the guy once more. She was right; it was the little punk that had led him on  a five-block chase. Then the jerk had crossed a street suddenly and ran for an apartment  building. Bosco had cut across the street right after him and had almost been creamed by a taxi.

He hit the window with his palm. "Oh, you little…"

The guy leaned away from Bosco but he had a grin on his face, and he was mouthing a word  slowly through the window at Bosco. Sully stepped toward the car and tapped his stick on the window. "Cut it out, or I'm going to let him in there with you!" Sully shouted through the window at the guy who went white, clamped his mouth shut, and suddenly became fascinated with his feet.

Bosco thumped the window one last time and turned toward his car. Oh no, these punks were not going to get away with it this time, not if he had anything to do with it.

"Faith, we got to get these guys," he muttered as he passed her. Bosco went to the trunk of his car and opened it. He pulled out two flashlights and slammed the lid.

Faith stepped in front of him and grabbed his arm. "Bosco, are you crazy? We can't go in there. We don't know where they are. If they're still armed, what happens if we get in there and something happens? We need to wait until ESU comes."

Faith looked worried. Bosco sighed. He wasn't going to let Faith pull her worried mother routine and have them stuck outside directing traffic while ESU came in and saved the day. Not this time. Bosco could feel adrenaline pumping through his veins.

"Faith, are you coming or not?" he asked her. She shook her head no and tried to hold him back. He shrugged his shoulders and shook out of her hold then turned and walked to the door. He handed Sully the other flashlight and then winked at him.

"Tell Davis I'm going to check out the first floor."

Sully rolled his eyes at him. He opened his mouth to say something, then changed his mind. He grabbed the radio at his shoulder and radioed to Davis that Bosco was going in.

"Bosco, please," Faith called behind him.

He ignored her. He pulled his gun from its holster, then grabbed the handle on the door, swung it open and stepped in.

 

* * *

 

 

The inside of the building was shadowy and had a damp musty smell. Bosco sniffed the air and then regretted it; the smells of a high school locker room assaulted his nose. Shafts of light streamed through small windows lining the ceiling.

Bosco turned the light on and scanned the interior of the room. Boxes and racks were strewn haphazardly around the inside of the large single room. Bosco could see small offices lining the right side of the room and metal stairs leading to the second floor on the left.

Bosco turned the light off, and hooked it on his belt. He didn't want to make himself a target, and the light wasn't too bad in the large room. As he waited for his eyes to adjust to the dim light, he heard the door open behind him. He spun quickly and saw Faith standing with her gun in her hand and an angry look on her face. He grinned at her. He knew she would come in.

"Don't you say a damn word to me! Do you hear me? Never again, not one word ever,"

she spat at him. Then he heard her mutter, "You hardheaded jackass."

Bosco chuckled to himself and turned back toward the rooms on the right. She was pissed, but she would get over it. She always did. He knew her too well. Of course, she could always surprise him.

Bosco turned his attention back to the boxes and garbage that was in front of him. He carefully scanned each piece before he stepped around it. They made it to the wall and the line of doors just as he heard sirens from outside. The Calvary was here.

They made it to the first door and Bosco automatically stepped to the side and put his hand on the knob. Faith stood right behind him and a little to his right so she would be able to cover his entry. He nodded once and swung the door open. Bosco let his gun follow his eyes as he quickly scanned the inside of the room from his position at the doorway. The room was dark and empty; there was no place to hide. He checked the room once more then stepped out.

Faith had stepped one step back and was scanning the rest of the large room behind them.

Bosco motioned toward the other door and moved slowly toward it. Bosco glanced back over his shoulder at Faith. The light coming from outside was growing dimmer. Maybe she was right about going in, maybe they should wait for back up. The small rooms were darker than the main room and they only had one small window. That made it difficult to see. Faith nodded her head and he pushed all the doubts out of his mind and focused on the door ahead.

Faith had stepped one step back and was scanning the rest of the large room behind them.

Bosco motioned toward the other door and moved slowly toward it. Bosco glanced back over his shoulder at Faith. The light coming from outside was growing dimmer. Maybe she was right about going in, maybe they should wait for back up. The small rooms were darker than the main room and they only had one small window. That made it difficult to see. Faith nodded her head and he pushed all the doubts out of his mind and focused on the door ahead.

Bosco took position beside this door and did everything the same as before. This time however, someone was standing right behind the door as Bosco swung it open. Big beefy hands grabbed Bosco's arm from somewhere behind the door and dragged him into the room. Bosco grabbed at the attacker as he was jerked inside. Bosco used his momentum to pull the man into the room with him and managed to physically shove him to the ground under him. He swung his fist at the guy and felt it connect; the man collapsed under him. Bosco sensed another attack from behind.

This man was larger and Bosco could see something in his raised hand. Bosco tried to roll from the attack but he felt the blow land on the right side of his head. A flash of light flared before his eyes and then he felt the odd sensation of something warm seeping down onto his right temple. Bosco shook his head to try to clear it.

The man came at him and grabbed at his gun. Bosco squeezed his fingers tighter around the grip of his gun. He kicked out with his feet and heard a grunt from the man. In the dim light Bosco watched as he stumbled backward toward the door, he heard the man fall back and then down. Bosco tried to take a step toward the sound but a hand reached up and grabbed at his neck.

The pressure increased around his neck; he could feel the man's fingers slowly squeezing until he couldn't breath. Bosco used his gun as a club to swing at the man's face. The pressure continued; his eyes started to water. Air, he needed air. Bosco swung blindly at the man in front of him. He felt his gun connect with the man's head. The man slumped to the ground and Bosco was able to take a gasping breath. He gulped air and ignored the protests of his injured throat.

The other man suddenly loomed over him. He was going to be attacked again. No thought went into his actions as Bosco turned and fired his gun up at the approaching figure.

He heard Faith cry out, stumble backwards, and fall to the ground.

Oh God! What did he do? His whole world came crashing down

"Faith! Faith!"

Bosco threw the gun down, pushed himself to his knees, and scrambled across the floor toward Faith.

He could make out her fallen outline in the dim room. He went to her and fell next to her side. She wasn't moving. Terror gripped at his chest as he tried to feel for a pulse at the side of her neck. He could feel a steady beat but when he pulled away his hand, he felt the wetness of her blood on his hands

 

"No, please oh God, please," he pleaded.

 

* * *

 

 

Bosco pressed his hand over the wetness he could feel on Faith's neck. "No... Please..."

"Bosco?" Faith mumbled.

Bosco bent close over her face; her eyes were open and she was looking for him. He couldn't tell if she could see him or not.

"I'm right here, Faith, hang on. "

"What...You...Why?" she whispered. Then she slowly closed her eyes.

"No, Faith. Come on, Faith, don't so this. Please come back," he begged her.

He didn't realize that he was no longer alone until the beam of Sully's light slid across Faith. Bosco heard the older man curse and say something to Davis.

"Bosco, what the hell happened?"

Bosco continued to press his hands against the side of Faith neck, and looked up into Sully's questioning eyes. He didn't know what to do. Someone please tell me what to do.

"Help me," he pleaded.

Bosco looked back at Faith. Her blood had splattered onto her face. It made odd designs over her chin. Bosco wiped at the crimson stain as he whispered to Faith."Hold on, help will be here soon."

Doc was suddenly by his side; he shook Bosco's shoulder. "Bosco, I need for you to move, okay?" he said quietly to Bosco.

Kim was tugging on his arm. His legs wouldn't move. He had to stay. He had to help Faith

Sully gently grasped Bosco by the shoulders and pulled him away from Faith. Sully pulled him to his feet. But, when Sully tried to push him back into the main room, Bosco shook out of his grasp. He refused to leave her. He watched as Doc and Kim examined the wound. He heard their words but his mind wouldn't focus on their meanings. Was she okay?

"Bosco, you've got to give them room," Sully said softly.

Bosco let Sully lead him from the room. When they were a few steps away Sully twisted Bosco around to face him.

"Bosco, what happened?"

Bosco looked at him for a second, and then tried to turn back to Faith. Sully wouldn't let him look back at Faith; he looked up at Sully's questioning eyes.

Davis rushed by the pair with the stretcher from Doc's bus with Carlos and Alex right behind him. Bosco could hear Doc and Kim lift Faith onto the stretcher and push it toward the door.

"It was an accident," he muttered as he shook his arm out of Sully's grasp.

Bosco watched Doc and Kim pass with Faith. She was so pale. He looked back at the room. He could make out Carlos bending over a man on the floor.

Bosco felt his stomach tighten. His thoughts were spinning. He suddenly remembered the feeling of his air being choked off then a figure that he thought was the other man coming at him again. He did this, it was his fault and she knew it. She had wanted to know why he did this to her.

"I'm sorry, Faith," he whispered.

Sully grabbed him roughly by the arm and swung him around until they were face to face. He held Bosco firmly by the folds of his jacket. "Bosco, what in the hell did you do?"

"It was an accident," Bosco repeated.

The words sounded pathetic to his ears but those were the only words making it from his brain to his mouth. Nothing he said would be able to express the feeling of self-loathing that was forming a large knot in his stomach.

"You did this?" Sully shook Bosco, then stopped when he got no response. "I told you to stay outside. She told you to stay outside!" Sully told him angrily.” When will you get it through that thick head of yours that you can't do everything by yourself?" Sully spat at him.

He shook him once more than pushed him away with a grunt. Bosco stumbled back. He noticed the blood staining his hands; he tried to ignore the taste of rising acid in his throat as he scrubbed his hands on the legs of his pants.

Kim appeared beside the two. She paused and looked from the anger on Sully's face to the unusually quiet Bosco, and then she placed a hand on Bosco's shoulder. The sudden touch  startled Bosco and he pulled away from her. "Bosco? Come on, ride with us. We need to check that out," she told him quietly as she took him by the arm and slowly guided him to the door.

He stumbled as she led him away from the horrible room. He couldn't seem to make his body do anything. His mind was too busy praying that Faith would be okay.

 

* * *

 

 

The noise from dozens of vehicles outside the warehouse deafened Bosco as he allowed Kim to lead him to the bus. When they got to the open waiting door, Bosco froze. Faith was inside; Doc was hanging bags of IV fluid from the sides of her stretcher.

Doc looked up just as Bosco and Kim approached. Bosco saw an unfamiliar look flash across Doc's face as he held Bosco's eyes. Then the look became one of concern, but what had it been before? Disgust? Pity?

Bosco? How's your head?" he asked.

Head? What was he talking about?

Bosco warily touched the side of his face and felt warm moisture on his fingers. He pulled his hand away and stared curiously at the tips of his red fingers. Then he remembered the blow to his head that had come right before the sudden grip on his throat. He absently touched his neck then looked back at Faith.

Kim took his chin and raised it carefully so she could look at his neck. She glanced back at Doc then returned her attention back to Bosco. "What happened?" Kim asked.

Bosco shook his head. He didn't want to open his mouth. He was afraid of what he would have to say. This was entirely his fault, how could this be happening?

"He shot her."

Sully's voice made Bosco jump. He wasn't sure if it was the sudden sound of Sully's voice behind him or what he said, but the words made Bosco stomach twist uncontrollably and then he began to shake. He couldn't stop the tremors that started somewhere in his stomach and traveled out toward his arms and legs. He felt his knees buckle and he stumbled forward.

"Whoa... take it easy."

Bosco felt Sully's strong hands grab his shoulders and try to steer him toward the open door of the ambulance. Bosco shook his head like a small child. He didn't want to climb in there, he didn't want to see his partner, with her blood flowing out where he had shot her. He squeezed his eyes shut. Why hadn't he listened to her? What if she died?

Bosco felt Kim's light touch on the side of his face; she gently pulled his chin around. Bosco forced his eyes open and he saw she was smiling at him and looking at him with concerned filled eyes. "Bosco, listen to me. Faith is going to be okay. You hear me?"

Bosco nodded. He wanted to believe her.

"Come on."

Kim reached up and pressed gauze to the side of his head. Bosco hissed at the sudden pain. She gave him another smile and then reached for his hand and pressed it to the bandage next to her hand.

"Hold that," she ordered.

Bosco did as he was told as she led him to the front of the bus and opened the door to the

passenger seat. Bosco slowly climbed into the seat and Kim closed it behind him. His hands were shaking. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the window. He felt movements in the back. Then someone opened the driver's door and got in.

"Bosco?"

 There was a short pause, then Kim started the engine and they pulled away.


	2. Chapter 2

Bosco glanced around the empty room and sighed. When they had made it to the hospital, Doc had wheeled Faith in to the ER quickly. Kim had stayed with him. They were treating him like a child. Everyone looked at him strangely. They were all waiting for him to explode in normal Boscorelli fashion.

The doctor told him that he needed stitches in his head and said to stay until someone could get to him. He could see Sully standing outside his door; he stood like he was guarding it. Bosco wasn't sure if he was guarding it against someone coming in or just making sure he didn't get out.

He looked down at his hands; they had begun to shake again. He needed to get out of there.

No one had told him anything about Faith. He clung to Kim's assurances that she was going to be fine. He knew that she was only trying to calm him down. He was trying to stay calm; he could feel himself losing the battle.

He played the moment over and over in his head. He remembered the tight grip on his throat; he hadn't been able to breathe and had swung at the man. When he had been released, he had been confused and gasping for air. When he saw...no, when he *felt* another figure over him he had automatically turned and fired the gun that he still held firmly in his hand.

Why did he do that? He knew better. You don't fire your weapon unless you see who your aiming at. That was first year, basic stuff, he knew that. She had been trying to help. He had shot her when she was trying to help him. How could this be happening?

The door opened and Bosco jerked his head up. Sergeant Christopher stood in the doorway scowling at him. Bosco could see Sully standing in the door behind him, but Christopher shut the door before Sully could follow him in.

"We've never gotten along have we, Boscorelli?"

Bosco ground his teeth together and forced his eyes to look away from him. This was all he needed; he wasn't going to get into it with Christopher. He had already made the worst mistake of his life today and getting into it with Christopher wasn't going to make it any better.

Bosco thought the other man was a fool; he never understood why he had been made a Sergeant. The fact that Christopher had heard Bosco compare him to Mickey Mouse probably hadn't helped his general attitude toward him though. Christopher took every opportunity to stick it to Bosco.

"Nothing to say?"

Christopher took a step toward Bosco until he was standing next to the exam table; Bosco looked up into the other man's eyes. "I knew it was just a matter of time before you screwed up royally. But, I never dreamed that you would be so stupid. How could you shoot your own partner?"

Bosco felt a rush of anger then a stab of guilt as he looked in the other man's eyes.

A loud tap startled both men and they jumped. Sully was tapping on the window and motioning at their Lieutenant. He was standing a few feet from him, and had a stern look on his face as he glanced at his watch.

Christopher huffed and then turned on his heel and went to the door. He paused and then looked back over his shoulder at Bosco. "Yokas is a good cop, sure hope she makes it," he said, then pushed the door open and walked out.

He hadn't expected that; the statement felt like a blow to his stomach. Faith was a good cop. But she was a great friend and partner. The last words she had said to him was telling him to never speak to her again.

Oh god, what if he never got a chance, what if...

Bosco's head began to spin and his stomach lurched suddenly. His was going to be sick, he couldn't stop it. He jumped from the bed and stumbled toward the sink against the wall. He barely made it before the contents of his stomach forced their way out. After everything was up, he couldn't stop, he stood there and continued to heave for what felt like forever. Thoughts of Faith were tumbling around his mind and all he wanted was everything to just stop.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and one on his back. He continued to heave and his eyes began to water. He could hear Sully's voice but he couldn't make out the words. When he finally stopped, he sunk to the floor next to the sink, pulled up his legs, and buried his head in his knees. He ignored the pain in his stomach and the pounding in his head as he took huge breaths and tried to stop the tears that were threatening to start.

Sully squatted down in front of him but didn't say a word. They sat that way for a long time until Bosco heard Sully clear his throat. "Bosco, get up."

Bosco shook his head and tightened his arms around his knees. He wanted to stay here. He just wanted everyone to leave him alone. Why couldn't everyone just leave him alone?

"Bosco, listen to me. Are you listening?" Sully paused then continued when Bosco refused to answer him. "This is not helping anyone. You screwed up."

The words felt like another punch. He jerked his head up and looked at the older man. He had been prepared to see pity but not the anger that he saw in the older man's eyes.

"You don't have to tell me what happened in there. I know. You went in there determined to grab everyone all by yourself and be the hero. But you got into trouble and the only thing that went through your head was getting the other person first. You forgot that Faith was with you and when she came up behind you, you fired."

Bosco opened his mouth then closed it. How did he know?

Sully sighed and sank to the floor beside Bosco.

"The partner I got assigned after Ty's dad died was an asshole. Tony was loud and obnoxious and he didn't care about anyone else. He wanted to be the first one in and he needed to be the hero. Sound like someone you know?"

Sully paused and studied Bosco. Bosco looked away, he couldn't meet his eyes. He focused hisstare on a trashcan near the door of the room.

"Well, one day we got this call that some dirt bag had robbed this store and grabbed this little old lady as a hostage. We were the first ones there. Tony ignored me when I told him to wait. He ran into the store and left me outside by myself. I heard gunfire almost immediately and I ran in after him. He was wrestling around on the floor with this guy. The little old lady was lying in the corner bleeding and I froze, I didn't know what to do. They were just blindly grabbing at his gun. It was over before I could move. Tony fired his gun point-blank into the guy's face. Blood went everywhere, before I knew it I reached for him; I wasn't thinking and apparently neither was he. He turned the gun on me and fired. Lucky he caught me in the vest but I hated him for it, I still do."

Sully stopped speaking. Then he struggled to his feet and stepped away from Bosco. Bosco shuddered and looked back at Sully. He was standing a few feet away, looking down at him.He was taking deep breaths trying to get control. All these years he had known him Bosco had never heard him speak of any other partner except for Ty's dad.

"Why are you telling me this?"

He thinks Faith will hate me, too. Bosco closed his eyes trying to force that thought out of his mind. Of course, Faith would hate him. He had been stupid and reckless and everything else that she had ever said he was.

"Faith is going to hate me, too," he whispered.

"Bosco, hey look at me."

Sully's words were no longer angry, his voice was soft. Bosco opened his eyes to see him standing over him with his hand held out.

Bosco took it and let Sully pull him to his feet. When he got to his feet Sully pulled him over to the bed and pushed him down on it.

"I hated Tony; I couldn't get pass what he did. But, I didn't like him before that, so there was no way I was going to care what happened to him afterward. For some reason Faith cares about you. She needs you. You have to talk to her. You have to make this right."

"I can't. Sully what happens if ..."

Bosco couldn't bring himself to finish the thought, much less the sentence. Faith was all he had; she was his only real friend.

The door swung open and the sound made both of them jump. A young doctor stood in the doorway. He looked uncomfortable; he knew that he had just walked into something that he had no business being in the middle of. Sully cleared his throat and stepped back from Bosco.

"Hey, Doc. Bosco got sick I think he opened his head up again."

Bosco hadn't realized it before but he now felt the warm blood slowly creeping down the side of his face. The doctor nodded and walked over to Bosco. As the doctor gently probed his now bleeding forehead, Sully took another step backwards toward the door.

"Hey, how about I go find out how Faith is?"

Bosco watched him turn and go. Then he stared directly ahead at Doctor Swisher's nametag. He tried to push the building anxiety away and convince himself that everything was going to be fine

 

* * *

 

  

Sully returned just as Doctor Swisher was finishing up. The young doctor had been rambling about something the entire time it took him to put three stitches in his head. Bosco searched Sully's face for news, but he couldn't read the other man's face at all.

"Okay, Officer, the stitches will need to be removed in two weeks. I don't think there was any permanent damage done to your neck. I'm sure the marks will heal nicely."

Bosco nodded at him as he turned and left the room. "How is she?"

Sully smiled. "She's going to be fine, Bosco."

Relief flooded through Bosco. He couldn't stop the grin that came to his face. Faith was going to be okay. He hadn't killed her. Thank you, God.

"The bullet hit her in the shoulder at the edge of her vest; it probably saved her. Doc said that an artery was probably nicked because there was a lot of blood. They took her to surgery and got the bullet out. Her doctor said that everything went great and they are moving her from recovery right now. You can go see her."

The grin disappeared from his face and guilt came flooding back with a rush. She wouldn't have had to be in surgery if it wasn't for him.

Bosco looked down at his hands.

He heard Sully sigh and take a step toward him. "Christopher is out there waiting to talk to you again. But I convinced him to lay off until you get to see Faith. The lieutenant agreed with me."

"Why?"

"I told you earlier, you need to make this right. I know you don't want to but you got to face her."

Bosco knew he was right. He had been fighting his feelings. He was afraid and he hated being afraid. Bosco slid off the bed and followed Sully out into the hall.

 

* * *

  

 

Bosco tried to ignore the stares of his fellow officers in the halls as he followed Sully to Faith's room.

He froze when he saw Emily and Charlie sitting in a couple of chairs in the hallway. They looked like they had been crying. An older woman was sitting between them, whispering in their ears and stroking their hair. He had almost killed their mother; he had almost made them orphans.

Sully had stopped and was now standing in-between him and the two children. Sully pulled Bosco past the two kids. Bosco slowed again when he saw Fred.

Faith's husband was standing in the hallway talking to Christopher and his lieutenant. He looked up when they approached. Bosco wasn't prepared for the fury he saw in the other man's eyes, it made him flinch and stop for the second time in a few seconds. They had never liked each other: Bosco thought he wasn't good enough for Faith; Fred thought he was a jerk.

"Bosco, let's go. " Sully tried to get Bosco moving again.

Fred took a step toward him but Sully blocked his way.

Fred ignored Sully. "You almost killed my wife. How dare you come here?" he shouted at Bosco.

Bosco took a step back from the angry man. His stomach tightened; there was nothing to say.

What could he say? Fred was right. He had almost killed her. He had almost made the most horrible mistake of his life. He was kidding himself. Faith would never forgive him for this. He couldn't forgive himself, how could he even hope that she would be able to?

Sully pushed Fred back, "Calm down."

Fred threw up his hands and took a step back. Bosco could hear Emily cry out, the sound cut into Bosco and he began to shake his head, he couldn't do this. He felt like turning and running but his legs refused to obey him.

He had to say something, he didn't know what. "Fred..."

Fred shoved Sully aside and lunged at Bosco. He was on him so quickly that Bosco had no time to react. Fred slammed him into the wall and began to slug him in the face. Bosco made no move to protect him self.

You deserve it, his mind yelled at him.

Fred hit him two times before Sully and Christopher could pull him off. They wrestled him back and held onto him.

Bosco's vision was blurred and his knees buckled as he let himself slide to the floor. He could feel blood running from his nose and pain flooded through his already throbbing head. He heard Charlie running to them and calling daddy and Sully telling Fred to calm down. He looked up at Fred.

Fred was still mad, but then the dreaded pity spread across his face as well. Bosco watched him as he shook out of Sully and Christopher's hold and picked his son up. He buried his face in his son's hair and then turned and walked back down the hall toward Emily. 

Sully bent down in front of Bosco. "Bosco? Hey, talk to me," he said quietly.

Bosco sniffed and closed his eyes. He leaned his head against the wall behind him and tried to block out everyone around him. He was fighting the urge to get up and sprint out of the hospital.

"Officer Boscorelli, maybe this should wait," Christopher said.

"No," he whispered as he opened his eyes. "If I don't do this now," he whispered to Sully.

He left the words 'I'll never be able to live with myself' unsaid, but from the look in Sully's eyes, Bosco knew the other man understood. Sully nodded at him then stood and took a step back.

Bosco got to his feet slowly. He clenched his fists at his sides and then stepped towards Faith's door.

 

* * *

  

 

When he stepped into the room, the first thing he saw was Faith, and she was looking at him with one eyebrow raised at an odd angle. It caught him off guard; he hadn't expected to confront her questioning eyes so soon.

Bosco let out a slow breath and stepped across the room until he was standing by her bed. She was propped up in the narrow bed with two pillows behind her. Her shoulder and neck were bandaged and she looked sleepy.

The first thing she said to him was, "What the hell happened to you?"

Bosco blinked. He didn't know what he had expected her to say but that definitely wasn't it.

Then he remembered his nose. His hand went to his nose without him thinking about it and he shrugged. What should he tell her? He definitely wasn't going to tell her that Fred might have broken his nose in the hallway in front of her kids

Faith narrowed her eyes. "I got shot, Boz, how do you think I feel?"

He clamped his mouth shut for fear of saying something else stupid. He let out a breath and closed his eyes briefly. He tried to slow his racing heartbeat, but what he was really doing was stalling. Faith knew him better than anyone did and she called him on it.

"Bosco, it's all right," Faith whispered.

Bosco's eyes snapped open and his eyes caught hers. She had a sad smile on her face. He knew she meant it but he couldn't let himself off the hook. He raised his hands to stop her from saying anything else. He had a lot to say, and if she stopped him, he knew that he would never get everything out.

"Faith, I'm sorry. You told me to stay outside and I ignored you. You're always trying to help me and I never listen to you. I know I hide behind this attitude that I got going. For most people it works great."

Faith opened her mouth to say something and Bosco shook his head. He took a couple of steps away toward the window and turned his back on her. He stared at a window in the other wing of the hospital.

He couldn't look at her. If he looked at her he would never say what he wanted to say. Never say what he had to say. He had almost lost the chance and he was going to lay it all out on the line now.

He cleared his throat and continued, "I guess the less people I have, the smaller the chance that somebody is going to hurt me. But you never fall for it and that scares me. I don't have many people in this world. Hell after what I did to Mickey and then what Hobart…"

Bosco stopped and took a deep breath; he hadn't wanted Hobart to become an issue in his life again so soon. He was still hurt and confused by the older man's suicide, especially about the part that he had played in the whole thing.

"I guess the number has been getting smaller lately. I don't know what I would do if I lost you,too."

Bosco turned to look at Faith. She was crying.

"I don't think I would be able to take it. God, Faith, I'm so sorry."

Bosco felt tears flowing down his cheeks. He made no attempt to stop them, he just stood there waiting for Faith to say something.

She didn't say anything for a long moment then she held up her hand to him. Bosco stepped slowly forward and took it. She pulled him forward, he let her pull him down until he was leaning over her and their faces were inches apart. She stared at him for a second.

Then she sniffed and squeezed his hand in hers.

"You will never lose me, you got that? Never," She whispered

"But.."

Why didn't she hate him? He had almost killed her today, why did she still care?

Faith shook her head to shut him up then smiled up at him. "I know you didn't mean for this to happen but it did. Boz, you scare me all the time. I live in fear of the day when your luck runs out. You always rush into every situation not caring about yourself. You have tostop it. You're not the only one out there. Next time one of us might not be so lucky."

She tugged at his hand; he let himself be pulled into her arms.

"I'm your friend, Bosco, I love you. Let me inside sometime, okay," she whispered.

Bosco took a deep breath; he was trying to control the emotions and the tears that were now flowing freely down his face. He felt Faith shudder under his arms and he held her as tightly as he could without putting any of his weight on her injured shoulder.

"I love you, too, Faith, and I don't deserve you."

Bosco could hear Faith chuckle.

"No, you don't."

Bosco stayed that way in her arms until she fell asleep. He carefully stood up and looked down at her. Her eyes were closed and she was peacefully sleeping. He used his sleeve to wipe away any evidence of stray tears, then smoothed a stray hair out of her eyes.

Faith had forgiven him. But, Bosco couldn't shake the deep fear that this would happen again. He would rush in to someplace without thinking and next time he might not be so lucky. He had meant what he had said to her; he wouldn't be able to bear it if something happened to her.

Bosco took a deep breath looked once last time at his friend, then he turned and headed for the door. 

He wasn't going to let Faith pay for his screw-ups if he could help it.

 

* * *

When Bosco stepped out into the hallway, Fred was the only one waiting for him.

He nodded at Fred, then looked down at his feet and tried to step around him. The last thing he wanted right now was to make another scene in the middle of the hallway while Faith slept peacefully inside her room.

When Bosco tried to step around him, Fred stopped him with a hand on his arm. Bosco flinched slightly and looked down at the hand, then up at Fred. Fred removed his hand and ran it through his sparse hair.

"I have no clue what she sees in you," Fred said quietly, then looked away from him.

Fred didn't sound angry anymore; Bosco thought he sounded a little sad. Bosco blinked in confusion, then shrugged his shoulder. 

"I'm sorry, Fred, I didn't mean to hurt her," he said softly. His voice broke on the word hurt and he quickly cleared his throat.

Bosco didn't blame Fred for hating him. Hell if he were in Fred's shoes he would probably hate him, too. Fred chewed on his lip he rubbed his hands together then turned back to look Bosco in the eyes.

"If she ever gets hurt again because of you, you'll be sorry."

Bosco lifted his chin slightly to look the other man in the eyes. "I understand," he told Fred.

Then he turned to walk away; he stopped and looked back at Fred who was still looking at him.

"Fred, you don't have to worry about this ever happening again."

Then he turned before Fred could say anything and he headed for the stairs at the end of the hall.

Fred wouldn't have to worry about Faith getting hurt because of him anymore.

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

He didn't remember going home. When he left the hospital, he had avoided any of the officers that might have been waiting for him. He didn't want to make a statement. What could he say? The reason one of New York's finest is in the hospital is because her partner is a total screw-up and nothing will ever change?

When he got to his apartment door, he fished the keys out of his pocket, fumbled with the lock and pushed open the door. He stepped inside and threw his keys on the table next to the door. He then turned and headed for the kitchen. He reached up to the cabinet above the refrigerator and pulled two bottles of Jim Bean down. One was unopened, the other was about half full. He put the full bottle under his arm and grabbed a glass from the counter as his turned and left the kitchen.

Faith had forgiven him.

But, no matter what she said to him, Bosco knew she would never trust him again. How could she trust him when his own stupidity almost killed her? She hadn't trusted him once to tell him about her cancer. That had hurt. She thought that he wouldn't be able to handle it. She was probably right.

How would he be able to trust himself again?

Bosco set the bottles down on the coffee table and walked to the closet. He opened the door and stared at the gun case leaning against the wall. He hated Hobart for what he had done to himself and to him. Maybe Hobart should have shot him when he had the chance. That way he wouldn't have to worry about anyone else ever again.

He remembered one time he told Faith that he had no sympathy for people that ended it all. He thought that it took a weak person to take the easy way out. But, Hobart had been a tough guy. He had done things in his life that Bosco would probably never be able to do. If

Hobart hadn't been strong enough, what made him so sure that he stood a chance?

Bosco pulled the gun case from the closet and carried it back to the table and sat it down. He plopped down on the couch beside it. He grabbed the bottle in front of him, broke the seal, and poured some of the amber liquid into his glass. He studied the case for a second, then leaned back. His hands were shaking again.

Why had Glen giving the gun to him?

The pounding on the door startled him. Who in the hell could that be? He ignored it, willing whoever it was to go away and leave him alone. The only thing that happened was that the pounding got louder.

"Maurice, open the door!" His mother shouted at him through the door.

"Ma?" What was she doing there?

He set the glass down and lurched from the couch and unsteadily made his way to the door. He pulled the door open and stood there for a second, staring at his mother. She looked tired and upset.

"I thought you weren't speaking to me?" It came out a little harsher than he meant and she flinched at the words.

"You're drunk."

Bosco snorted. "So?"

He then turned his back on her and went back to the couch, and slumped back down on it.

"What are you doing here?"

"Your partner's husband called me a little while ago. He told me what happened. He thought someone should come over here and check on you."

Fred called her?

"Why did he call you?" he asked as he picked up the glass from the table to take another sip.

"He was worried about you."

Bosco almost choked on his drink as he laughed. "Fred was worried about me? You're kidding right?"

Bosco turned to look over the couch at her. She was still standing next to the door with a sad expression on her face.

"Can't somebody worry about you?" She paused then asked softly. "How are you, Maurice?"

Bosco shrugged his shoulders then turned; he didn't want to look at her.

He propped his feet up on the table in front of him and then his gaze fell on the gun next to his feet. She was trying to comfort him, trying to give him sympathy. That was the last thing in the world he wanted right now. He didn't want her sympathy; he didn't deserve it. Didn't she see that because of him Faith was in the hospital? She could have died, how did she think he was?

"Ma, I screwed up again, this time it wasn't just a simple mistake. I almost killed my best friend. I...just leave me alone."

Bosco heard her mutter something and then she was suddenly standing in front of him. She reached down and grabbed the glass from his hand.

"I will not leave you alone. That's been my biggest mistake all along."

She looked down at the gun on the coffee table and closed her eyes. When she opened them again they were shining bright with unshed tears.

"Ever since you was little I left you alone. When your father left, I told you that you were the man of the house. So every time he came back, every time he came to your window at night, I said nothing to you. I let you stand up to him. For god sakes, you were still only a little boy and I let your protect me and your brother because I was too frightened to do it myself. I made you take on too much; I forced you to grow up too soon."

She was crying now.

"Please don't, its okay" he whispered.

She shook her head violently then gestured at the gun on the table. "Maurice, I'm sorry that you had to go through such horrible things."

Bosco felt the tears threaten to come. He bent his head to look at the floor. "It's not your fault."

"And not everything that happens is your fault either. Maurice, the only thing that happened today was that you finally realized that you're human. Just like everyone else you make mistakes. Everyone is allowed to make mistakes, it takes a man to stand up and let yourself be forgiven for them."

She paused, and then she bent down and gently took his chin. She raised it until they were looking each other in the eyes. "I told you once before, you are a good man. You make me so proud, I love you, son."

Bosco looked up at his mother and his carefully built wall came down. He felt the tears flow down his face. "It was an accident, I didn't mean to" he whispered.

She sat down on the couch beside him and pulled him to her. "I know, baby. It's okay."

Bosco laid there in his mother's arms and they both cried.

 

* * *

 

 

Epilogue

 

I shut my eyes to stop the images of the last twelve hours.

My glass is empty but Ma's asleep in my lap so I can't get more.

She told me again that I'm a good man. But I'm not a good man, not really. I'm just another hotheaded screw-up. But at least I have people that care about me enough to forgive me when I do screw-up.

Maybe that's all anybody really needs, people that love them and care and forgive them when they screw-up.

My hands are still shaking; I can still see the blood on Faith's face, but that's okay. When I can't feel the guilt or remember the cry she made when I shot her...that's when I need to worry.

I look back at the gun at my feet. Glen didn't think he had any options, he didn't think anybody cared. I did, but I didn't tell him soon enough.

I'm lucky to have people that tell me, that's all that I need for now.

 

The End.

 


End file.
